making dinner in an apartment building in South Williamsburg
[knock on the door]
Me (looking fly in my adorable apron): Hi?
Boy (in basketball shorts, knee high socks, sandals and a hoodie): Are you cooking something that smells like it’s burning?
Me: I’m cooking, but nothing is burning…
Me: Okay! Bye!
What I should have said: “Hello young boy! I am cooking something called vegetables! They are being pan cooked with a bit of oil. In fact, I’ve jut put them on the burner not a moment ago. What you’re smelling is a fresh zucchini and a red pepper! Isn’t that a treat? I’m not sure what kinds of things burn in your house around dinner time, but there are no burning smells coming from here. I’d invite you in to see this rarity called cooked veggies, but I am afraid of the world and would like to close my door now and continue dancing to Janelle Monae. Please go bother the person upstairs blaring Spanish music at a level that is making it all the way over to Harlem.”
“The Muppets don’t get laughs at other people’s expense. It’s part of what I really loved about the Muppets. They don’t even want to destroy their villains. They want to reform their villains.”—Jason Segel, on what makes the Muppets special (via nprfreshair)
We all have known Good critics, who have stamped out poet’s hopes; Good patriots, who, for a theory, risked a cause; Good kings, who disembowelled for a tax; Good Popes, who brought all good to jeopardy; Good Christians, who sat still in easy-chairs; And damned the general world for standing up.— Now, may the good God pardon all good men!
To everyone who thinks majoring in English is easy: “Bifil that in that seson on a day, In Southwerk at the Tabard as I lay Redy to wenden on my pilgrymage To Caunterbury with ful devout corage, At nyght was come into that hostelrye Wel nyne and twenty in a compaignye, Of sondry…
It’s way easier to enjoy if you’ve got the Sheila Fisher translation: “It happened, in that season, on a day In Southwerk, at the Tabard as I lay Ready to start out on my pilgrimage To Canterbury, with true, devoted courage, At night, there came into that hostelry, Fully nine-and-twenty in a company Of sundry…
This translation is for real, guys. And no, you can’t have my pretty hardcover copy.
Sasha and Tommy have Kindles and have very clever names for their Kindles - F. Scott FitzKindle and Flannery O’Kindle respectively, and not to be outdone, Sasha and I brainstormed some names for my nook today. I have not laughed so hard in quite some time. Here are some of them:
Happy Birthday to the organization that taught me to wield an axe, bake a cake under a fire, weave badass friendship bracelets, make a log cabin-style fire, and encouraged me to be the fierce, independent woman that I am today.
You know that if Hillary Clinton, Katie Couric and Gloria Steinem are alumnae, they’re doing something right.